Unrecognisable
by FinalFallenFantasy
Summary: Oneshot, Akuroku. Sad little ficlet.


_**AN:**_Ok, so this is the unbeta'd version (along with all of the other things I upload in the next few minutes/hours) and I'll put up the beta'd one when I get it back, ok? I'm well aware that I promised a Christmas update and I have written everything, it just needs betaing. So, once again, sorry about this being late, but I've decided to put the chapters for different things up now rather than wait any longer, and put up the beta'd one when I get it back. So... cya later!

* * *

_I sense there's something in the wind,_

_That feels like tragedy's at hand._

_And though I'd like to stand by him,_

_Can't shake this feeling that I have,_

_The worst is just around the bend._

It's impossible. I know it's not even vaguely plausible in the slightest sense of the word. I cannot feel emotions. I can't. I have no heart. And yet… I do. So much. And the worst thing is… the only emotions I feel are for my best friend. Doesn't sound so bad, does it? Surely I should feel emotions for someone as close to me as Axel is. But… It's horrible. Every time I look at him, the empty space I have for a heart lurches, my chest tightens and I feel hot all over. Every time he speaks, I find my eyes drifting to his lips, watching him form the words that break my heart, over and over, because I know he can't mean them. 'You're my best friend, Rox, you know that.' 'I care about you.' 'I'd miss you if you left.'… None of them can mean anything. And yet, I cling to him. He hurts me every day and doesn't realise it. And I love it, and I hate it. Without him, I know I will die; without him, my existence has no meaning.

He started coming to my room at night a few months ago. Now I can't stop. Every night, we couple in silence, neither of us able to voice the feelings I hold tight within my chest. It is as if, if we should speak, the spell will be broken and all we have will turn to dust.

_And does he notice my feelings for him?  
And will he see how much he means to me?  
I think it's not to be  
_

When we sit on the clock tower, gazing out across the dull oranges and reds of Twilight Town, eating sea salt ice cream and laughing together, it is like we are not Nobodies. Almost as if we were truly human. But it doesn't last. It never does. And I can't stand it. Being so close to him and yet being unable to understand his small gestures and words of false affection… it hurts. So much. And I know they are false, because he will never say those three words I long with all of my being to hear. He cannot feel. Only wish that he does. But isn't that, in itself, a feeling?

It doesn't matter anyway. Even if he could feel, he would never be able to love me. I'd always be the best friend with a pathetic crush, waiting for him to come home and tell me all about his latest conquests, comfort him when he loses someone… It can never be.

If I have no heart, then these feelings I hold for him are useless; broken puppets without their strings, the puppetmaster dead and gone. So I must leave. He's tearing out what should have been my heart. And he's killing me. Goodbye Axel, I love you.

"No one would miss me." It's true. Even he doesn't care. He just likes to pretend that he does. But as the dark portal swirls around me to take me away, I hear those last words,

"That's not true! I would…" And my chest tightens, I turn back, _No, no! I don't want to go – he cares. He cares about me!_ But then I am falling into darkness and I know… when I wake up, it will be too late for anything.

_What will become of my dear friend?  
Where will his actions lead us then?  
Although I'd like to join the crowd  
In their enthusiastic cloud  
Try as I may, it doesn't last  
_

"Nah, I can handle these punks. Watch this!" I know what he will do before he does it. _No no no no! _My mind is screaming but he cannot hear me. Even Sora cannot hear me. All I can do is watch helplessly as my best friend, my love, my world, unleashes the hell that will kill him. I wonder if it's ironic that as he does so, the image of a heart expands outwards from his body with the flames.

"I wanted to see Roxas. He… was the only one I liked." _Axel, please don't leave me like this. Please._ "He made me feel… like I had a heart." And with those fateful words I hear the remaining pieces of my heart shatter into smithereens. _Why? Why didn't you tell me? I would never have left if I'd known! We could have been happy, Axel! Why?_ And before he dies, he gives Sora that special little smirk of his that I know is aimed at me. That knowing smile cuts me to the bone. He knows I'm here and yet… _Oh Axel…_ _I will see you in the next life, I promise._

_And will we ever end up together?  
No, I think not, it's never to become  
For I am not the one_

And somewhere far away, in another world, another eternity, two strangers pass in the street. One blonde, one fiery red. Their eyes meet briefly and a small spark of recognition ignites, only to be ignored as they pass on their way.

And as the wind howls down the street, a promise is broken and a love forgotten.

**AN:** *Sobs* I'm sorry… I hate writing sad endings… they always leave a bitter taste in my mouth. But… I listened to Sally's song and I just thought… yeah. Never mind. But I had to get this out of my system – it's been beating up all the other plotlines in an attempt to get noticed. So… yeah. *hides in empty metal trashcan* No one will find me here.

Andrea: I could tell them which trashcan, y'know.

Suxike: You… You wouldn't do that! Would you?

Andrea: *glares* Try me.


End file.
